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For a lot of women today being a single mother is a reality, and one that not many of our mothers had to face. If someone of our mother’s age was a single mother, it was generally due to a death or a scandal, and not a way of life brought on by divorce or choice when the father of the child was deemed unsuitable for a lifelong romantic partnership.
There are many women today that have made single motherhood a choice, but there are many more for whom the thought is terrifying. Below are a few ideas for both kinds of single moms’, on how to cope with the logistical problems of single parenthood. Single dads can also use these ideas.
Have a reliable support system in place. Working parents especially, have to be able to have someone they can rely on to take the kids to the doctor when an emergency crops up, and they cannot have time off work. If family is not an option in this instance, try joining a single parents support group in your neighborhood, or speak to a few friends about making themselves available for this kind of emergency. You will be surprised at the support they can give.
If you feel you never have enough time to see your friends, or getting a cheap reliable babysitter is proving impossible, then invite your friends round. Let them sit on a stool, and chat while you get the kids' dinner ready. A glass of wine and a good friend is pretty much all they need to feel at home. Offer them a picnic on the floor with the kids and yourself and eat ‘kid food’. Fish fingers, hot dogs and other food they haven’t touched since they turned thirteen. Trust me they will have just as much fun as the kids.
For a single mom, I honestly believe you need to have down time. In order to be there for your kids who demand so much of your time and space you also need to refuel occasionally.
Take an hour, go to the hairdresser, have a massage or grab an hour with a book. Leave the kids with someone you trust or try and arrange half a day's leave from work, but ‘you time’ is vital to your mental and physical well being.
Try a kid swap. Take other single moms' kids in once a month to give her a break then she can take yours in two weeks' time. That way responsibility is shared and alone time as well as dating time can be scheduled in to an otherwise impossible timetable.
On a Sunday precook as much of the week's menu as possible. This will cut down on time spent in the kitchen during the week, when we tend to be so busy doing other things. Always make sure you have one or two precooked meals in the deep freeze, that way when you are truly too exhausted to cook, supper is easy as all you have to do is defrost. Get he kids involved in housework, they also live with you so should help out cleaning up the house, making meals or feeding the dog.
Try and put some money away each month so that you have a stash with which to either take the kids away, or to buy all those extra Christmas presents you wanted for yourself or the kids last year.
The key to being a successful single parent is planning, back up planning and more planning. If you are in a meeting and Tommy has to go to the doctor, call Sue. If Sue can’t make it call Anne. If Anne is busy then phone Samantha. Have enough back-up plans ready that you never need to panic. Help out other single parents as much as possible, and they will do the same for you. Remember that the most important thing here is your child. Single parenting is hard work, but a lot of fun and immensely rewarding. My toddler recently shouted to me across a bike track that his bike was working perfectly now. A nearby dad asked me what had been wrong and was horrified that I had fixed the thing on my own. If I hadn’t been a single mom, I would never have been able to fix the whatsit on that bike with a whadjamacallit.
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